1. Our children will eventually leave
home. Prepare your marriage for the empty nest:
To my knowledge, I’ve never talked to a person who divorced after twenty-five
or thirty years who didn’t say something like this: “Once the kids were gone,
we realized we really didn’t have much of a marriage.” Building a marriage on
the foundation of the preeminence of children is like building a house on a
rented removable slab. You may have days or even years when you feel completely
secure, but the day is coming when the lease will be up and the foundation upon
which your home stands will be taken away. A family shepherd must not allow his
family to fall into this trap.
2. Our marriage forms the cornerstone of our
children’s security:
Ironically, those who prioritize their children above their marriage are not
only jeopardizing their marriage, they’re actually depriving their children of
the very thing they desire to provide them. The greatest source of security our
children have in this world is a God-honoring, Christ-centered marriage between
their parents. Putting the children first is like a police officer putting away
his badge and gun in order to make the public feel more at ease. A family
shepherd must put his marriage before his children in order to provide them
with the security they both need and desire.
3.
Putting your marriage first will actually prepare your children for marriage:
Prioritizing your children above your marriage
is both foolish and dangerous because it sets a precedent that contradicts one
of the greatest lessons you’ll ever teach your children—how to be good husbands
and wives. We must first and foremost model a commitment to marriage. Failure
to do this will communicate ideas that are contrary to what we believe—starting
with the narcissism it tends to create in our children—including the pitfalls
that may follow them into their marriage. For example, if we prioritize our
children above our marriage, we teach our children that marriage exists for
children. If this is the case, how will our children react to the early months
or years of their marriage when there are no children? How will they respond
if, God forbid, they should struggle with infertility? If the heart of marriage
is “living for the kids,” these scenarios could be difficult at best.
